One of the things that people who are adopted or who have had a loss of a parent at an early age suffer from is abandonment. It is a recurring problem that can go into adulthood.
The sad thing about this is that they actively recreate the problem that they experienced.
The loss of relationship caused pain. In the grief process, of any loss, many of us ask the questions why? Because a child does not have the exposure to the world that an adult dies, they tend to internalise this.
I know this because I was adopted and while my adopted parents loved me a great deal when I spent some time in therapy, I realised that as a very young child, I had processed the abandonment of my biological parents as being my fault. I must have done something that caused them to not want me or to not love me.
I did not realise until then, that I was carrying that baggage into my adult relationships I was regularly choosing relationships that would repeat the cycle and would stop nurturing relationships that would build me. Upon reflection, I was doing things in many areas of my life that were pushing people who could add value to my life away.
The trick is to identify where this thought pattern comes from. What relationships in your past have made you feel like you are not worthy of love or not worthy of success or growth.
One of the primary reasons that people fail in all areas of life is fear. In relationships, we can find ourselves fearing losing or fearing change.
Whioeceratin kinds of fear can keep us physically safe, like fear of running over the freeway. There are types of fears based on the past that do not serve us.
For this, we need to rewrite our stories. We need to change the way that we process the past loss and ask ourselves if this fear actually serves us.
For me, I told myself that the loss of natural parents was not an attack on me, it was God's way of giving me a second chance, a way of stepping into a better life. As my biological relationship was physically abusive, the abandonment was the thing that saved me from a truly terrible life.
The question is, what story are you telling yourself about your past and how can you change that so that you begin to program yourself for a better future.